My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
