You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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