my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize