My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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