You're completely useless in the revolution.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you had me at cake vodka
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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