i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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