There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
