you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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