Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i out mim tonsoeep
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
