I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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