have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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