all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
