A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
