Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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