how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
