I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
