You just made me feel so damn special
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
