Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
