Where is the hickey?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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