oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
