I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
