my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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