Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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