maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
