Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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