girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
