i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
