Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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