The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
