I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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