Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
