he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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