All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
