next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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