I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
