I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
