Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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