can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
