I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
