Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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