I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
