I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
