Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
