So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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