I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
