who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
