you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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