I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
