you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
