if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
