let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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