We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
