i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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