Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
