Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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