rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
