I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
