I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
