Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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