apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
