eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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