i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didn't notice because vodka
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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