oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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