Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
