I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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