i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
