you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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