there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
