my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
