i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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