Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
