Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to make out with him forever
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
