This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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