Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
